Friday, May 27, 2005

Rainy Friday

So, here we are – the last Friday in May, and everything is soggy. I’m spending most of this afternoon outside with students, rain or shine, so you can guess which one it is that I’m hoping for.

It’s been a hard few weeks, but things are getting better now. My mom-in-law passed away last week, an event that brought closure to so many of us who loved her. I hadn’t been able to see her since Christmas, so I’d been grieving for her for months and months, even before she passed on. In some ways, it still doesn’t seem real, as there was no visitation at the funeral home (her wishes), and a lot of the unofficial “signals” that someone is gone just didn’t happen. I have experienced a number of “oh, yeah, she’s dead” moments, like at the supermarket when wondering if she’d like a lobster. It’s all very strange, but I think I’m okay.

Given how I was feeling going into Mother’s Day, it probably doesn’t surprise you that I had a pretty spectacular (and yet somehow oddly controlled) meltdown the Friday before the occasion. A good friend on staff asked if I needed to talk, so we went to his office, and if there’s such a thing as projectile tears, well, that’s what we got. I know I’ve talked about how wonderful some of the kids at school are, but I don’t think I’ve ever really mentioned the staff. These are some of the kindest, funniest, intelligent and supportive people in the world, and the fact that they are all in one building never ceases to amaze me. I am blessed to have had many of them as teachers in my youth, and now friends in my (ahem!) not-so-young youth.

Sharon called me last night and I’m sure her long distance carrier is now reconsidering the wisdom of The Flat Rate. Hard to believe it’s only been about six weeks since I saw her. Feels like a lifetime in many, many ways.

I’ve changed. I know I have. I’m not sure just who or what I’ve changed into, but I feel very different, from the inside out. Mind you, I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing. If, for example, the rather interesting dream I had last night is any indication, I rather like Ash 2.0. It is, if nothing else, very entertaining. Maybe I’ve just been morphed a little bit. Maybe I’ve just gone from granite to gneiss. You know what they say about gneiss girls – they have just a little more sparkle. :)

On that happy note, I’d better grab my umbrella and head out.

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